


It Was My Own Decision

by stormy1990



Category: Johnny's Jr., Kis-My-Ft2 (Band), SixTONES (Band)
Genre: M/M, Original Character(s), Original Character: Keiji, Prostitution, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-29
Updated: 2016-05-29
Packaged: 2018-07-10 22:51:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,513
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7011478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stormy1990/pseuds/stormy1990
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Taiga had his reasons for choosing this special kind of job, but unfortunately after a while he couldn't run away from his problems that easily anymore as the person, which was the reason for his choice in the first place, slowly got to know about his secret.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It Was My Own Decision

  


**Taiga’s POV**

And the next one came after I had just half an hour for myself. I was sitting on the bed, my naked body covered with a light bathrobe.

“Good to see you my boy.” The man in his 40’s said smiling as he came in, dressed in a suit as always. He came after work, every two to three weeks.

He undressed fast standing in front of me putting his hand under my chin to make me look up to him. He was gentle as usual, smiling as he made me slip out of the bathrobe.

“Beautiful, as always!” He said in a calm and carrying voice before he leant down to kiss me. Carefully he pushed me down on the sheets and stroke over my body slowly. I gave him a few low moans knowing that he loved it, as I knew about all sexual preferences my customers had.

The sex with him was always nice and painless, like this I could enjoy it as well. Not everyone was like him and most of my customers didn’t treasure me or anyone else at this place as much as he did. They paid a lot of money for their visit and so we were theirs for the time they paid.

“Hope to see you in a few weeks.” The salary man said promising as he got dressed again while I was still lying on the bed naked smiling at him, because pretending to be happy about him coming back was part of my job.

“I’ll be looking forward to your next visit.” I replied as he walked out and the moment he shut the door my smile vanished. I put the bathrobe back on sitting on the bed hugging my legs putting my face on my knees.

I knew it had been my own decision to come here, but the problem was that this wasn’t a place where you could start working and then just quit if you had enough.

I had fallen asleep for a view minutes as someone knocked on the door and a young man just a few years older than me came in.

He smiled at me, but I couldn’t smile back, because at least with him I didn’t had to pretend that I was in a good mood.

“How are you? Everything fine today?” He asked worried as he sat down on the bed next to me as I sat up.

“Yes, everything is okay,” I replied and regarding the customers I had had over the day it wasn’t even a lie.

The man was called Keiji and he was one of the reasons why I was here. After a party I ended up on a one night stand with him in this hotel. I didn’t know that he was a member of a special yakuza like troop and they owned this hotel. He introduced me to this kind of really good paying work later and back then out of other reasons I could have thought about nothing better to waste my time with. It was the best way to not think about things I wanted to forget and it was also a good way to make extra money. So in the end I said yes and for a few months I was already one of their ‘boys’.

“There is a new customer downstairs and he asked for you.”

“Okay.” I said shrugging my shoulders, it was normal for new customers to try out us boys before they decided if they would be coming as regulars for one of us.

“He is special, I just wanted to let you know.” I knew what that meant and even though I was used to that already a shiver ran down my back. “I care for you, so I try to get those customers away from you as much as possible, but he wouldn’t want someone else.”

Keiji stroke over my cheek before he leant in for a kiss and I returned it willingly. We weren’t together, we never really were after our one night stand, but he cared for me more than he should do, because he and the other workers weren’t allowed to have sexual contact with the boys. But he risked a lot all the time sneaking inside my room warning me when there were customers with special interests and asking if everything was okay.

“It’s alright, don’t worry.” I said comforting as he backed off and stood up unwillingly giving me a worried look before leaving the room.

I put the bathrobe tighter around myself as if it could protect me and just a few moments later the door opened again. This time a tall man maybe around 30 years old came in, maybe he was even a little bit younger, but his serious look and the suit he was wearing made him look older. He said nothing as he closed the door and walked over to me right away. I looked up at him and I knew right away what kind of person he was. There were so many customers already that I could see in their eyes which type they were. And unfortunately he was one of the worst, paying a lot of money to be allowed to do what he was about to do.

“Stand up!” He ordered in a deep voice and of course I did as he said. He took the bathrobe off me looking at me with those lustful eyes as his type always did. Then he put one hand under my chin turning my face from one side to the other looking at me with an approving nod.

“Good, I think I chose someone really good with you,” He said with a brief dangerous smile before he started to undress himself. After he threw most of his clothes on the chair in the corner he opened his pants pulling them down.

“Suck it!” He demanded pushing me down on my shoulders as I didn’t went on my knees right away.

This was nothing new, so I took him in my mouth and moved as I normally did. I started licking over his tip with my tongue, moving my hands around his balls sucking him good and long making him moan in a deep voice.

He grabbed my hair moving himself in my mouth, making it hard for me to move myself. After a moment he made me back off as he was completely hard already. He made me sit down on the bed as he took his scarf he had thrown on the chair before.

“Turn around.” He demanded and of course I obeyed. He covered my eyes with the scarf as I was sitting on my knees on the bed waiting for him to start whatever he had planned. He started touching over my body everywhere making pleasured noises as he pressed his body against mine. After another moment he stood up once more and I heard how he grabbed something else from his clothes and as he put his hands on my shoulder and pushed me down on the bed I knew what it was. He took my wrists and put them over my head so he could tie them up at the metal part of the bed with his tie.

“Such a beautiful and obedient boy.” He whispered next to my ear as he stroke over my chest down to my hips. He took my cock in his hand stroking over the tip making me moan.

“Even your voice is sweet. I will have my fun with you!”

But of course this wasn’t going to be just normal sex, Keiji had warned me and I was thankful every time he did. The first time I got a customer like him and no one warned me that he was allowed to do a lot more than usual customers, I had slashed around me crying as I tried to get away from him.

For the organization we were not people, but money not more, but as I started this work I didn’t care at all. It was a distraction and that was all I needed.

So for this night again I would let this person do whatever he wanted to and would cover my bruises as usual and if someone would find out I would lie also as usual.

***

The next day I went to the Johnny`s world rehearsal, no suspicious glances, no questions about what I did in the evening. I was good in telling lies to all my friends and I learnt how to do it without feeling this awkward pain in my chest. Even though my bruises from the last night still hurt they were covered well and I was lucky to not have bruises on my face, so I was sure no one would realize something.

I went on stage waving a short hello to Juri and the others. I had told them that I had to study for some exams yesterday as they asked me out for karaoke. It wasn`t even actually a lie, exams were coming up and we all had to study.

I let my eyes wander around the stage. ABC-Z and Sexy Zone had already arrived and I was ready to start the rehearsal, but when I looked to the side stage my heart dropped to my feet. This couldn`t be, they were not supposed to be here and especially HE wasn`t supposed to be here.

They walked over to the main stage and I still didn’t move and then he saw me, walking over to me smiling and waving happily.

“Morning Taiga! Isn`t it great that we have the chance to appear as special guests for the next week?” He asked happy while I could just stare and nod realizing that it wasn’t for one day, but the whole week.

“Are you okay? You look a little bit pale?” He put his hand on my shoulder and my heart froze. There were cracks all over it already I didn’t want it to crumble. I took his hand away from my shoulder giving him my best fake smile.

“Fujigaya-senpai, it’s really great that we have the chance to work together again.” I started, trying hard to keep my act up. “I’m fine don’t worry I just didn’t sleep so well last night.”

“Oh, okay. Then be sure you take enough breaks, don’t make me worry!” He said with a bright smile ruffling through my hair before he left the stage with the rest of his band.

“Taiga, you have a moment?” Hokuto asked approaching me, but I couldn’t concentrate anymore.

“Sorry, would you excuse me for just a moment?” I asked turning around fast so that he wouldn’t see the tears glittering in my eyes. I ran off to the toilet which was so far away from the backstage area that I was sure that no one would come here and as I locked the cabin I finally gave in.

The tears were running down my cheeks and I didn’t even try to stop them. I was sitting on the toilet seat sobbing. Every time I met him my chest felt way too tight and my normally perfect act of pretending that I was fine just crumbled.

For over two year I was in love with Fujigaya. About a year ago we went out for dinner at the Kis-My-ft2’s concert tour. Exactly this evening was the worst and the best in my life. He had been really drunk, but I knew that he could normally handle alcohol quite good and as he had told me out of the blue that he liked me and kissed me I couldn’t even think straight anymore. He had said we could take it step by step and he hoped I would feel the same. He wanted me to tell him my answer the next day after the last concert and of course my answer would have been yes, because I had been the one loving him all the time, but had held back, because I didn’t want to cause trouble in the agency. But everything had come different than I had expected as I wanted to give him my answer and he suddenly told me that he was sorry, because he had been drinking too much and couldn`t remember anything.

I hadn’t known what to do anymore. If I would have told him my feelings and he would have said he kissed me because of the alcohol my world would have crumbled, so I decided to wait. If his feelings were true he would approach me again, that’s what I thought. And this is what I still thought over a month later, but he never approached me again.

After he didn’t approach me again even though we were around each other almost all the time I was so depressed that I started to go clubbing a lot, drinking a lot and making out with everyone I could find, just to distract myself. One evening I had met Keiji and I finally found a way to forget my feelings or at least shut them away. But every time Fujigaya was around all the memories came back and it was just too much to take.

The last tear rolled down my cheek and I took another deep breath as I stood up. It was time to get back to the act, because this was how I was moving on. I started smiling and moved out to the stage again, facing Fujigaya for not just this day, but also all the following. I wasn’t sure myself how I did it, but somehow it worked out even though Keiji didn’t had any work for me the whole week and I was lying in my bed every evening staring at my ceiling trying to not break down again.

“Tomorrow is already the last one, unbelievable!” Jesse said after we were all gathered in the Juniors’ dressing room.

“Yes time flies, right?” I replied happy, because yes I was really happy. Just one more day and I wouldn’t see Fujigaya every single day and wouldn’t feel like a stepped on puppy.

I was already changing into my normal clothes as Yugo took my wrist and I breathed in sharp on his grip.

“Taiga what did you do, that looks painful!”

I hadn’t paid enough attention as I undressed and my wrists weren’t covered anymore for a moment. The dark red bruises from my last customer weren’t as bad as a few days before anymore, but they were still hurting and unfortunately easily visible to everyone else.

“Oh, that’s nothing.” I tried to play it down as the others were also walking over to me looking at me worried.

“Nothing looks different, Taiga. What happened?” Juri asked serious.

Explaining bruises at several spots on the body was easy, but this was one of the places it was more than hard to find an excuse for.

“This is a funny story to be honest. You know how our senpais are doing a lot of acrobatics with the ropes, flying over the stage and stuff, right? So I thought it would be a good idea to train that a little bit so if there would be the chance to perform this on stage I would already be able to do it. But using normal ropes wasn’t a good idea I figured.” I smiled at everyone, putting one hand at my head bowing a little bit, playing embarrassed.

For a moment everyone stared at me and I was ready to find another excuse as I thought they wouldn’t believe me, but then Hokuto started laughing.

“That’s so typical you.” He said shaking his head walking over to his wardrobe. “Why do we even worry? You always do stupid things!”

And yes he was almost right. I at least pretended all the time to do stupid things when I got bruises.

“We should put you in a fluffy suit the whole day so you won’t hurt yourself all the time.” Morimoto added laughing and I was happy when everyone believed me, not spending any attention to me anymore.

“See you tomorrow then.” I waved my goodbye to everyone and as I closed the door my phone started ringing. It was Keiji, finally.

“Hi Keiji. I thought I would never hear from you.”

“Hey, Taiga. Sorry, there were not many customers this week.”

“So when do you want me to come in?” I asked walking down the corridor slowly.

For a moment he was silent and I knew that this would mean nothing good.

“Taiga I`m sorry, but we made an arrangement for a private meeting with the customer from last time.”

This time it was me who stayed silent. I had to watch out that I wouldn`t let my phone drop. Private arrangements were the most expensive ones and that had a good reason. The staff like Keiji had no control over what was going on when they sent us to the customers` home and remembering what this customer already did at the hotel, a cold shiver ran down my back as I imagined what he would do when there was no chance of interruption.

“Taiga?”

“Oh, sorry.” I had spaced out for a moment, but this was how things were going and so there was no reason to refuse. “Don`t worry, I will be fine.”

“I`m sorry.” Keiji replied knowing that it was hard for me to pretend to be fine with it.

“It will be this evening. I`ll send you the time and place as a mail.”

That was sooner than I expected and even tough visits on short notice weren’t unusual, I had hoped for a little bit more mental preparation time.

“And Taiga-“

“Yes?”

“Be careful!”

“Thank you.”

Hanging up on him hurt. I knew he wanted to come over, he wanted to protect me, but we both knew that when someone would find out that he interfered in a private visit there would be big problems for both of us coming up. I sighed deeply before I put the phone back into my pocket.

“Taiga?” I flinched when I heard his voice and swirled around with wide eyes. Fujigaya stared at me with a worried look. “Are you alright? You seem kind of worried.”

“Oh, it’s nothing. Don’t worry.” I tried to smile even though my heart just divided as I still hoped that he didn’t hear what I had said on the phone. But he just nodded smiling briefly.

“Okay, then be careful on your way back, I’ll see you tomorrow!”

“Yes, see you.” I waved after him as he left, sighing again as he was finally gone. I really had to watch out more at the set when it came to my secret work.

I checked my mails and as Keiji sent me the place and time I decided to leave directly to the customer’s place as he wrote any time would be fine and I had nowhere to go and no one who was waiting for me so I decided that it wouldn’t matter if he would do me longer. It was distraction, painful distraction indeed, but after having Fujigaya around the whole week and many emotions stored up inside of me I didn’t really care.

Half an hour later I was standing in front of a really expensive looking mansion building. I took a last deep breath before I made my legs move and found myself on the 35th floor in front of a massive wooden door a few moments later. I knocked and waited and of course he opened.

“Hello boy, come in.” He smiled at me, not a bright nice smile, but a dangerous and lustful one. I walked in looking around the high class mansion as he closed the door and stepped behind me putting his hands around my waist.

“I hope you will entertain me today even more than last time.” He whispered into my ear as his hands stroke over my crotch. I shut my eyes for a moment as he made me strip out of my jacket turning me around opening my shirt exploring my body with his hands. He lifted my chin up and for a moment he stopped his movements.

“Open your eyes!” He said in a deep demanding voice. So of course I obeyed looking deep into his eyes. “Let’s make this a little bit more interesting!” He ordered me to strip out of the rest of my clothes as he did the same and took my hand to bring me over to the bed.

He let himself drop on the bed and looked at me. “I paid a lot of money for you so I want to get a little bit entertainment tonight.”

I didn’t really understand at first, because last time he just did how he pleased, so I just stared at him questioning.

“Boy, come. Sit down!” He wanted me to sit down on top of him so I did. Then he put one hand to my hair to drag me down to his face. “Don’t get this wrong, I won’t let you fuck me, but I want you to give me some entertainment and I mean good one. As I said I paid a lot of money for this night, so do as I say and I might be nice to you if it comes to the main part.”

This time I got what he meant and lost now time as he looked at me with a raised eyebrow waiting for me to start. I crawled up to him a little bit more and put my hands around his neck as I kissed him first a little bit careful, but I could feel his lustful attitude as he opened his mouth right away. I slipped my tongue inside and closed my eyes. Even though I did this to forget about one certain person he was the only one I could imagine when I closed my eyes trying to enjoy what I was doing.

So the man’s hands touching me, stroking up and down between my legs and his lips on mine turned into being Fujigaya’s hands and lips.

It didn’t take long before he turned around the game and got in control over things and as he had turned us around he leant back so he could reach out for his nightstand. I heard something clink as he reached in the drawer and as I turned my head to look at it he pulled a pair of handcuffs out of it. I wasn’t surprised, not at all and I let him tie me up to his bed before he stood up looking at me satisfied.

“So there is just one last thing missing.” He said with a dangerous chuckle before he went over to a cupboard pulling a leather whip out of it. I wasn’t surprised of that either. Everyone knew that hobbies like this were the reason why people paid so much money for us coming to them, because those “special” items were forbidden at the hotel and when you wanted to have more like sex you have to pay more money.

He walked over to the bed again stroking with the whip over my chest making me shiver.

“Let me hear your sweet voice the whole night.” He said chuckling before he lunged out with the whip and I closed my eyes before it hit the first time and I had to remind myself again that there was a reason for what I was doing here.

***

I was prepared for the concert better than the day before. I had bandages under my shirt so that even if I wouldn`t pay attention to my surroundings the only thing everyone would see were the bandages, it would be way easier to explain that than the bruises themselves.

The concert started without any kind of problems. I danced, I sang and ignored my pain and then there was of course this part when everyone went crazy running around the stage, hugging people and screaming ‘it’s the last one, let’s have fun’!

So when I tried to smile as convincing as possible to the fans and turned around I bumped into someone almost stumbling and in respond I got excited screams from the fans as the other one caught me.

“They really see fan-service in everything, don’t they?” Fujigaya asked laughing as he put his arm around me to make the fans screams grew even louder. But I was the one who wanted to scream the loudest, having him so close again hurt more than all the bruises.

“Oh yes they do.” I just responded smiling waving with him at the fans. As we went back to the main stage Juri jumped on my back suddenly and even though I tried hard I couldn’t suppress a painful gasp twisting my face in pain. I just hoped that no camera had been on me for those few seconds. I didn’t want the fans to worry and so I took a deep breath before I started running, carrying Juri on my back to the main stage, trying hard to pull a straight face. The show ended right after that and I was more than happy about it, excusing myself to the toilet as the others left for the dressing room.

I ran off to the last toilet again, rushed in one of the cabins, getting out of my stage shirt. I had bruises all over my chest and back and thanks to Juri’s unexpected attack earlier my back was burning like fire. I had a small bottle of cool spray with me and tried to spray it over my back, but I had to get the bandages off first and it was hard enough to get them on my back on my own.

After I hit the wall of the cabin a few times already with my elbows I got rid of the first bandage making a dark red bruise visible.

I tried to spray over my shoulder, but it was more than difficult to aim at the right spot and suddenly the bottle was taken out of my hand making me flinch out of surprise.

“Shall I help you?” I swirled around and froze. My heart stopped beating for a moment as I stopped moving and breathing. I wasn’t sure who of us looked paler. Him, because he just saw that something was definitely going on with me knowing it wasn’t something I could excuse on a sports accident again or me, because the person which was the reason for all of this was about to discover my worst secret.

“Fujigaya-senpai…”

“That’s all you have to say?”

For a moment I fell silent again ready to crumble, as he put his hand on my shoulder to turn me around again.

“Let me take care of this first, you can explain yourself after that. It hurts, right?”

Carefully he took the other bandages off and sprayed the cool spray over my back and even though it felt so good, I wished I could just vanish right now, because I felt more than ashamed knowing that he was staring at my bruised back trying to figure out what had happened.

“Who did you visit yesterday?” He asked suddenly as the pain on my back finally got less.

“What do you mean?” I asked playing confused, he couldn’t know, could he?

“I saw you! I’m sorry, but I was worried after I overheard your call yesterday so I was waiting for you outside and followed you. As you didn’t go to your usual train station I got suspicious. And then I saw how you entered a huge mansion building and as you left-“

“You waited the whole time?” I interrupted him staring at him with wide eyes. I should have been more surprised about that he followed me in the first place and worried that he would find out about my secret, but that he waited there for several hours in the cold was making me feel guilty even though I knew I didn’t really had a reason to, because it was Fujigaya’s own choice, right?

“That’s not the point here, you know that!” He said kind of angry and I couldn’t stand his look. “So?” He asked again obviously determined to find out what was going on.

“So, what?” I asked trying hard to act and not give in to my emotions.

“Come on Taiga, I’m your senpai, you can tell me if something is going on!” And I would have loved to, if it would be another time and our situation wouldn’t be so complicated. If this one drunken night wouldn’t have happened and I would still hide my feelings for him and he would never had told me about his feelings, which were apparently just because of the alcohol I might have told him. I would have flung my arms around him, cry on his shoulder and ask him to get me out of there. But it had been my own decision to enter this world and to withdraw myself from him, so I wouldn’t let myself get hurt again.

“There is nothing to talk about.” I said finally, not even trying to find an excuse for my bruises. He wouldn’t have bought it anyways. “It’s private and thanks, but I don’t want to speak about it!”

I pulled my shirt back over my head and shoved him to the side playing angry.

“Wait!” He said in a worried voice, but I wouldn’t allow myself to turn around. “Taiga, please wait!”

His worries made me feel guilty again and I ran out the toilet happy that he didn’t follow me. I grabbed my stuff in the dressing room lying to the others that I had urgent business and had to leave early.

For now I just wanted to be alone, to have time to think or more time to not think. I wanted to be as far away from him as possible. I couldn’t stand it when he tried to be the carrying senpai, because I knew he would carry for all his kohais like this. I wasn’t special, it was just that I was the one with the bruises and the problems. Would it be Juri, Hokuto or someone else Fujigaya would worry the same and knowing that, made me angry. As I rushed through the streets I couldn’t stop my tears this time. I put my hands into my jacket pockets and muffled my face into my scarf as it turned cold and dark outside the same way I felt inside of me.

The next day I was happy that Keiji wrote me that I had work in the evening, so I had something to distract me from the chaos of this week. I sat on my bed in the hotel letting my thoughts wander around, but every time they ended at Fujigaya’s worried look. When the door finally opened I was happy. Of course I didn’t know what would await me, as I never knew when we had a new customer, but any kind of distraction would be fine. The moment the person came in he turned his back towards me and shut the door. He had the hood of his jacket on and I could see that he was also wearing a facemask and sunglasses which wasn’t unusual for the customers as some of them didn’t want to be seen in this kind of environment. I looked at him waiting for him to say something or come over, but for a moment he remained at the door not turning around again.

“I hoped it was a bad joke!” The man said in a low voice, so it was hard for me to catch his words, but when he turned around finally and took his mask and sunglasses of I was the one who hoped that it was a bad joke or a dream, a really bad nightmare.

“No! How? Why?” I couldn’t even form a full sentence as I realized that Fujigaya was standing in front of me.

“Those are the questions I want to ask you!” He replied with an angry glance. “Your behavior was so weird yesterday that I thought I would do some research and obviously my guess about what had happened to you at this person’s apartment were leading me towards the right direction.

I just shook my head getting up from the bed slowly, still not completely realizing that my whole life was about to turn upside down again. The crack on my heart had just bursted and made my heart break into little pieces.

“Taiga, why are you doing this?” He asked me as he walked over to me, but I took a few steps backwards automatically.

“Don’t come close to me.”

“Why not? Taiga, what is going on? Why are you at a place like this?”

To be honest I couldn’t answer, I really couldn’t at that moment. It was just too much. I was standing dressed in a bathrobe in a special kind of love hotel in front of the only person I never wanted to come here, because he was the only reason I was doing this. How was I supposed to explain this to him?

“Please, just leave!” I knew that a part of my life would be over, if I would make Fujigaya angry and he would report this to the agency, but I figured that it was maybe even better that way. Then I would be sure to not see him around anymore. I had made up my mind. I wouldn’t let myself get hurt by him again.

“I won’t leave, not without you!”

“Don’t play the caring senpai! I don’t care if you tell everyone about this, but I won’t come with you!” I yelled at him angry.

“But I am your senpai and yes I care! And no I won’t tell anyone, even if you don’t want to come with me!”

I couldn’t reply for a moment, as I saw his worried look and I knew he meant what he said. This was not going the way I wanted it to. I wanted him to get angry and just leave, but I could see that he would never do so.

“Leave!” I repeated again, my voice shaking this time.

“No,” was all he replied shaking his head.

“If you won’t leave on your own, I will make you!” I growled wanting to pass him to reach out for the door getting Keiji so he would throw him out, but Fujigaya blocked my way, his look changing from worried to angry.

“Out of my way!” I yelled, but instead of letting me pass he put his hand on my shoulder stopping me as I tried to pass him again. I slashed away his hand, but he still wouldn’t let me pass.

“You can’t make me leave. I paid for you, so for the next hour you are mine!”

I was lost of words after he had said that. I could just stare at him, because he was the last person I would have thought of hearing those words from.

As the shock had finally passed by I let out a shuddering breath and Fujigaya’s look turned kind of apologizing, but he would still not leave. I let out a mumbled curse before turning around sitting down on the bed again ruffling through my air, growling in desperation.

“So now you’re playing angry or what?” Fujigaya asked approaching me.

“Just leave me alone would you?” I hissed at him. But he couldn’t know that I was angrier at myself for letting my work be discovered and of all people by him, than by his sudden appearance itself.

“There is more to it, isn’t it?”

“What do you mean?”

“Taiga, I’m not stupid! I know you long enough to know that you would normally never start such a job. Did someone force you? Do you have some kind of debt?”

I started chuckling sarcastic on his worried questions, shaking my head.

“You think this is funny?” He asked angry, but all I could do was keep smiling as he really tried to figure out what was going on while he was too blind to understand that he was the only reason I was doing this.

“If you would know my reason then you would laugh as well.” I said sarcastic as I turned to face him. But my smile vanished as Fujigaya slapped me without any kind of warning. My cheek was burning like fire and Fujigaya’s hand was shaking as he clenched it into a fist.

“Don’t make fun out of such a serious matter! I didn’t come here to make fun out of you or watch you making fun out of yourself. I came here to help you, no matter if you want my help or not!”

Again I was out of words, but this time it was out of other reasons. I could see the pain in his eyes. Strong emotions, which I didn’t see in months and which I had tried to avoid all the time. Because exactly those emotions were the reason why this whole mess had started, why my heart had crumbled and I had let myself drop to such a place.

“Taiga, please tell me what is going on!” He begged as he sat down on the bed next to me his eyes trying desperately to find out what was going on while reading my eyes. And then everything crumbled, the huge wall I had built around me was breaking down bit by bit unable to keep my own emotions locked up inside anymore. The only defense I had set up to lock my emotions away was gone and I looked in Fujigaya’s worried eyes, while my own emotions finally broke free.

I looked away as the first tear slipped over my eyelid. I bit my lip as I tried to hide my sobs and stop my body from shaking, but it was no use, all those stored up emotions were too strong to lock them up again.

Even though Fujigaya still didn’t know what was going on he must have realized that it was at least something he couldn’t help me with by doing all the comforting stuff. He didn’t say anything, he didn’t stroke over my back or tried to hug me and I was more than thankful for that, because it would have made everything even worse. So for a while he just sat there listening to my sobs waiting for me to calm down.

“Why can’t you just leave? Why did you have to care in the first place?” I asked finally in a low voice knowing that if I would raise my voice, it would shake too much.

“Because you are important to me.” He answered not even needing a single second to think about what to say. I couldn’t suppress a small chuckle as I dared to face him with dried tears on my cheeks.

“Important? All your kohais seem important to you, go and rescue them!” I replied narrowing my eyes.

“Sure I want to take care of my kohais as good as possible, but this is not what I meant!” For a moment he looked away ruffling through his hair, sighing as if he wouldn’t be sure himself what to say.

“Tell that someone who wants to hear it. By the way your time is over, would you leave? I still have other customers.” I said standing up crossing my arms in front of my chest trying to somehow build my wall up again. But when Fujigaya jumped up grabbing my shoulders with so much force that it almost hurt I flinched out of surprise.

“As if I would let those perverted bastards touch you ever again!” He shouted at me obviously surprised by his own outburst of emotions as he looked at me with wide eyes and let go of me right away. He turned around trying to calm down again, but I started to get nervous as he still didn’t want to leave.

“You have to leave.” I said making him turn back to me, but I wouldn’t let him scream at me, I could see that he really would have liked to, but I had a reason to make him leave. “Senpai, your time is over and if you don’t leave it will cause trouble.” I explained pointing at the watch.

“You are kidding me, right?”

“To be honest, I’m dead serious. I don’t want you to get into trouble because of me, so would you for now just leave? We can talk later.”

“Later?” He let out some in between a kind of frustrated chuckle. “Taiga, do you even listen to yourself? You want me to leave you here, knowing that there are, who knows how many guys coming to fuck you before we can talk later?”

Even though it was just the truth, it hurt hearing it so directly from him. But before I could respond someone knocked on the door.

“May I enter?”

Fujigaya looked at me with wide eyes, but I recognized his voice and if there would be someone who could help us now it would be him.

“Come in.”

Fujigaya turned to the door as Keiji entered. He looked confused from me to Fujigaya. His eyes told me that he recognized him. Fast he shut the door behind him walking over to us.

“What’s going on?” He wanted to walk over to me, but Fujigaya blocked his way.

“That’s what I want to know!” Fujigaya said angry before turning around to me grabbing my wrist. “Let’s go!”

“Senpai, I can’t. I told you!” I tried to rip my wrist out of his grip, but he tried to drag me after him with all his might until Keiji interfered making Fujigaya let go of me. Fujigaya faced him with a dangerous glare taking him by the collar.

“So little boy do you think you can stop me?”

“No, I don’t think so, but if you would listen to Taiga for just a moment you might stop yourself.”

“Keiji is right. Please Senpai.” I interfered afraid that he might punch Keiji, what would make everything even worse.

And finally it seemed like Fujigaya was willing to listen as he crossed his arms in front of his chest not saying anything anymore.

“I will tell you this straight and without any extenuation. Keiji told me right away that this place was under a special yakuza unit and quitting was not an option from the beginning, if we would get older or not getting enough customers they would just throw us out. If you would try to drag me out of here, it would be more than just a small fight, you know what I mean right?”

Fujigaya seemed to realize how dangerous the situation was as he looked to the ground for a moment, but when he looked up again he faced Keiji instead of me.

“First we will find a solution to get Taiga out of here and with ‘we’ I mean you and me!” He said to Keiji which didn’t seem to understand. When he didn’t react Fujigaya took him by the collar again. “You are the one who brought him here, right? This is your fault as well and if you don’t want any more trouble you should consider helping us or I will turn your life into hell.”

His words seemed really convincing as Keiji nodded frightened.

“I could make up an excuse for Taiga, so that he can leave early today.”

“There we go!” Fujigaya clapped him on the shoulder before leaving for the door finally facing me again. “I’ll be waiting next to the bank building at the crossing. Don’t you dare to stand me up, you have 20 minutes!”

I said nothing as he left the room, leaving Keiji and me behind.

“Taiga? Are you really trying to quit?” Keiji asked worried.

“I don’t know. This is all too much at the moment.” I said honestly shaking my head facing the ground as Keiji walked over to me putting his hand under my chin to make me look up. He gave me a faint smile, but I could see that he was also quite of worried.

“Whatever you think is the best for you I will help you!” He said smiling and thanks to him I could make the next step and a few minutes later I found myself in front of Fujigaya at the crossing.

“Let’s go to my apartment and talk!” He ordered not even asking if I wanted to or not.

A few minutes later I sat on his couch twisting my fingers around each other nervously as Fujigaya sat down opposite of me, crossing his legs his eyes fixed on me.

“So?”

“So what?” I asked confused.

“Talk, that’s why we are here, right? So go on!” He leant back waiting for me to start, but I didn’t know where to start and what to tell him. I was between screaming everything at him and crying, locking myself as deep as possible inside myself.

“Taiga, I’m not here to judge you, please remember that. I want to help you, but without knowing what’s going on I can’t!” He added after a while when I still stayed silent.

“It would have been a help, if you wouldn’t have been there from the beginning.” I said without even trying to shut myself up. My mind had decided on its own that it was time to let everything out.

“I told you earlier that I couldn’t leave you alone after seeing what had happened to you.”

“I don’t mean today, I mean really from the beginning.” I looked down for a moment, but it was no use, my eyes filled with tears as I finally faced him again. “If I wouldn’t have known you, all this wouldn’t have happened. If you would have just said nothing that evening, if you wouldn’t have kissed me and then-“my voice broke, but I wasn’t done. I wouldn’t allow myself to break down. I took a shuddering breathe trying hard to stop my voice from shaking. “If you wouldn’t have forgotten about everything the day after, I would have never ended up there.”

I had finally said it and it felt like a huge burden just fell off my heart as the tears were running down my cheeks and I finally let myself break down, putting my face into my hands crying as I wanted to cry the whole time, but didn’t allow myself to.

Fujigaya didn’t reply anything and it made me angry. So angry that I finally got a grip on myself again and looked up at him ready to yell at him, but when our eyes met I could see guilt in them.

He had tensed, his hands clenched to fists. As he looked away closing his eyes for a moment my world shattered as realization came over me.

“You didn’t forget!?”

Instead of answering he shook his head. I let out something between a laugh and a whimper. All those months I thought he had forgotten and know he was telling me that he still remembered.

“Why? Why did you pretend that you had forgotten?” I raised my voice getting up not able to sit still anymore. “SENPAI!” I started screaming at him as he still didn’t react. I walked around the table taking him by the collar. I didn’t care if he felt guilty, at the moment I didn’t care for anything except the reason why he pretended that he wouldn’t remember.

“Senpai, I want an answer! NOW!” I started ripping on his shirt making him finally take action holding on to my wrists.

“I’m sorry Taiga. I had no other choice.” He said in a low voice.

“No other choice? What is that for an explanation? You know what I went through after that?” I was about to totally freak out, but Fujigaya tried to keep his calm.

“I am really sorry.”

“As if that would solve the problem.”

Fujigaya looked to the ground again, not even trying to explain himself. Before I knew myself what I was doing I had pulled him upwards again on his collar and slapped him so hard that my hand was shaking.

Fujigaya looked at me shocked putting his hand to his cheek, but I didn’t feel sorry at all. Tears were running down my cheeks even though I didn’t want to start crying again.

“After you pretended that you didn’t remember that you kissed me, after you pretended that you never said that you loved me, you really think that “I’m sorry” will be enough?” My voice was shaking so much and I was looking at him so intense that he wouldn’t even try to look away. “You really want to tell me that you care for me right now even though you lied to me for all this time without even giving me an explanation now that I finally know?”

I let go of him, taking a few steps backwards and shaking my head.

“If you would really care for me you wouldn’t have told me that you loved me in the first place.” I wanted to leave. I was ready to leave all this behind me, but when I turned around Fujigaya had jumped up reaching out for me. He hugged me from behind keeping me close to him so that I could feel how his body was shaking.

“Someone had seen us that evening. Of all people who could have seen us it was a reporter. Luckily he didn’t take a photo, but he started following me around, asking about you or more like us the whole evening after we had parted.”

“And?” I was still too angry to let him excuse this on a stupid reporter. “You could have just told me the next day and-“

“And then what? Taiga this reporter followed me around for months! You really think we could have hidden our relationship if I would have gotten a positive answer the next day from you?”

For a moment I thought Fujigaya had tried to rescue himself back then, just lying to me so that his image wouldn’t get ruined through my answer, but before I could even get angry his voice changed as he continued.

“I couldn’t have done this to you! If your answer back then would have been as I hoped, it would have meant that I had to stay away from you knowing that you responded to my feelings. It would have been too hard for both of us, so I decided it would be the best if you would think I had forgotten so you could move one. I didn’t want to put this weight on you.”

I didn’t know what to answer. My anger was still there, but through his words it had changed.

“When the reporter finally gave up and I was sure that he wouldn’t try to heat up the story again I tried to approach you again, but you were already kind of out of my reach. I tried to leave you alone, I really tried! I knew that I hurt you back then with my lie, but afterwards it was hard for me as well to stay away from you thinking all this time that you would have moved on. If I would have known what was going on all this time and that I am the reason for it, I would have approached you sooner. I would have told you all this earlier, I’m so sorry.”

His words were honest, that was for sure. I still couldn’t believe how stupid both of us were and how much pain we could have prevent, if we would have talked earlier, if I wouldn’t have been so stubborn.

“You are such an idiot!” I said finally. Fujigaya didn’t reply he just tightened his grip around me. “You should have told me! Instead of keeping it a secret you could have shared your burden.”

He shook his head and a tear dropped to the ground. I knew I still had a reason to be angry at him, but even though there was a part of me which wanted to scream at him why he didn’t tell me, why he decided to take this on himself, leaving me in the dark and letting me think that he just played with my feelings, I couldn’t scream at him anymore. Seeing him like this made me realize that I wasn’t the only one suffering for all this time. He had tried to win my trust back, after he had kept me on distance for both our sakes. But I wouldn’t let him come close to me again, I was so stubborn, so wasn’t it also my fault?

As another tear dropped to the ground I turned around in his arms putting a hand under his chin making him look up again. I looked at him seeing my own sadness, anger and stupidity in his eyes. I stroke over his cheek with my other hand wiping away his tears.

“Let’s leave this behind us and do a restart!” I said in a calm voice before I leant forward to kiss him. A kiss I had waited for so long. I wanted to kiss him at that time back then as an answer, but I never got the chance. Fujigaya closed his eyes. He was not moving, but also not tense against my lips. I backed off unwillingly, but I knew we had important things to discuss first. It was not the time for deep feeling exchanges now. It would take some time for both of us to get used to our new situation, but for now I was happy that Fujigaya gave me a brief smile as I backed off.

“You don’t want to continue that job, right?” Fujigaya asked carefully as we both had calmed down and sat down again.

“No, I have no reason to continue anymore.” I said honest. Now that we had spoken about everything and it seemed like we could really have a fresh start I didn’t have a reason to distract me anymore and to be honest I was more than happy all of a sudden that I didn’t have to continue.

“But it won’t be easy to quit. Keiji told me about the ‘management’ in the hotel. All the workers except for us boys are in the 3rd floor of the hotel, I normally just saw Keiji and a few other workers, but when I started there he had told me that when I decided to join, it wasn’t my decision to quit. They would decide when a boy would turn too old or wouldn’t get enough customers.”

“Just don’t return there! It’s not like a job where you have to keep some notice period!”

“But they won’t just leave me alone like that.” I was unsure what to do and worried about what could happen, but continuing wasn’t an option anymore at least not if there was a way out.

“Don’t worry! I will be with you all the time. I am there to protect you whatever is going to happen!”

I was really happy about his words smiling and nodding at him, but even though I treasured his words we both knew that he couldn’t be by my side 24 hours. We had to find a solution somehow.

“I will contact Keiji for now! He helped me out a lot over the time. Without him we wouldn’t have been able to have this talk today. I owe him a lot and when there is someone who can help us it is him.”

Fujigaya nodded, but I could see worries in his eyes.

I had called him right after our conversation and as I hoped he said he wanted to help us.

“As much as I want to help as for tomorrow you have to at least show up here. I can’t cover up for you as second day, it would be too suspicious. But don’t worry I will try to not let any customers take you for that day. Let’s discuss the details about what to do tomorrow evening then! Bring Fujigaya with you, he can wait outside, somewhere no one sees him. I bet he wouldn’t want to wait at home alone!” I was really thankful for Keiji’s help. That he even cared for Fujigaya and not just for me made me kind of happy that I met him, even though I knew that if I wouldn’t have met him in the first place I might have never started this work.

“It will be alright,” I said getting up after hanging up on Keiji and explaining everything to Fujigaya. “At least I hope so.” I added in a low voice.

I stood up already getting my stuff together to leave for now as Fujigaya suddenly hugged me again making me freeze.

“Don’t leave.” He said in a low voice resting his forehead against my shoulder.

For a moment I didn’t know how to react. I wasn’t sure if I was already able to stay with him after we went through so many emotional up and downs in just one day. Somehow I wanted an emotional break and some me time, but on the other hand I didn’t want to leave his side now that I knew that he felt the same.

“I’m tired.” I said grabbing his hands which he had put around my chest and he squeezed my hands before he let me turn around in his arms.

“Then let’s go to bed.” He suggested with a smile.

It was the first time in an eternity that I was the one stroking over someone’s face this happily as I lay down next to Fujigaya. After all those nights with all those strangers and all those fake emotions, I was finally able to show real emotions again. I was able to stroke over Fujigaya’s cheek, to touch his skin, feeling secure in his arms and show my love for him again not having to distract or hide myself from him anymore.

“I don’t want to leave your side again!” I whispered as he held me in his arms and I rested my head against his chest.

“And you don’t have to, I promise!” He replied serious and I pulled him even closer towards me not wanting to let go of him ever again.

***

“Be careful!”

“I will. Don’t worry it will be alright.”

“You have half an hour, if you don’t come out by then I will come in.”

I wanted to tell Fujigaya that it was too dangerous to cause uproar, but knowing that he was here ready to help me was making me really happy.

“Thank you, senpai!” I said before I let go of his hand which I hold on to like my lifeline as we had arrived in front of the hotel.

I looked at him once more trying to smile, but Fujigaya didn’t give me as smile in respond, he was way too worried and I couldn’t blame him.

I went in as normal greeting the workers I saw on my way to my room. When I entered I was more than happy that Keiji was already there.

I closed the door giving Keiji a brief smile. I was a little bit surprised as he approached me with fast steps giving me a hug.

“Keiji?”

He backed off fast looking a little bit embarrassed.

“Sorry, I just wanted to hug you one more time, before I have to hand you over to your boyfriend.” He explained in a shy voice. I had to smile on his comment, because that was typical for him, he really cared too much for me.

“Is Fujigaya waiting outside as planned?”

“Yes he is waiting at the alley across the street as you suggested.”

“You really love him, don’t you?” He asked with a smile and I nodded smiling back. “I remember when we met and you were so down and so confused because of him. I couldn’t leave you alone back then.” He shook his head slowly before he looked at me again. “How come that you are now at that person’s side?”

“Let’s say there were a few things we were just too blind and maybe also too proud to see. Now that everything is finally spoken out we found out that we just hurt ourselves trying to stay away from the other one.” I explained knowing how confusing it must be for Keiji. I remember myself how bad my mental condition was back then.

“Now the only problem which is left is if I can somehow get out of here without any problems. If it would be just me I would be fine with continuing as long as they want me to, but I can’t do this to Fujigaya.” I didn’t tell Fujigaya that I would be fine with continuing, but if it would be the only way I would do it. I knew that quitting was dangerous and I wouldn’t put my pride over our safety. I decided myself to do this job, knowing the consequences.

Keiji turned around putting his hands to his hips walking up and down the room as if he would try to find a solution.

“So we have to find some reason why you can’t continue, right?”

“Yes, we should be able to come up with something that makes them let me quit without any big trouble.”

“How about we make up some kind of illness?”

“That would be an idea.” I said approving as he walked back to me.

“Or you’re going to study abroad!”

“But the possibility that someone sees me around is too big, isn’t it? And I appear a lot on TV as well.”

“Also right.” A weird expression appeared on his face, which I couldn’t really read before he looked up at me with a smile again. “But we will definitely find some way, right?”

I nodded at him with a smile, but then his smile vanished and I flinched when he slammed his hand to the wall next to my head.

“Keiji?” I asked carefully as his expression went angry from one second to the other. “What’s wrong?”

When he started chuckling I didn’t understand what was going on anymore and a shiver went down my spine as he looked at me with dangerous eyes.

“Taiga did you really think this would be so easy? Did you really think I introduced you to this job to help you with your stupid private problems and let you turn your back on me as soon as you find some ‘better’ place to go?”

I didn’t know what to reply, I was too confused about what was going on. This was not what I had expected to happen.

“Keiji, I’m sorry, I-“ But before I could even try to get what was going on he had put his hands to my face, kissing me. I didn’t struggle. It was something I was used to as stupid as it sounded. I closed my eyes for a moment waiting for him to back off.

“I won’t let you go!” He whispered against my lips and for a moment I thought I had misheard, but when I opened my eyes again looking at him I could see on his expression that something has changed and it made me expect the worst.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean it as I said, I won’t let you quit!”

His serious tone and angry expression made me realize that something was definitely not going the way as we planned. I wanted to make a step to the side, but Keiji grabbed my wrist keeping me close to him.

“Let go!” I tried to shake him off, but his grip was tight and painful. I wasn’t sure what was going on anymore. He was the only one I had trusted all the time, he was my tower of strength as my life was about to fall apart and now I looked in his hateful eyes and didn’t understand what had happened.

“I won’t let you go to him!” He said in a low voice his look calm, but dangerous.

“What are you talking about? You said you would help me to get out of here. You knew that I loved him from the very beginning, why are you acting like this now?”

“Because you are not belonging to him, but to me.”

I tried to shake him off again, but his only reaction was to push me against the wall making me gasp.

“Keiji-“I whispered trying to calm him down. “This is not what the Keiji I know would say.”

“Then maybe you didn’t know the real me until know!”

“I think I know you better than you do yourself.” I said getting angry at his behavior. Fujigaya was waiting and I wouldn’t let Keiji interfere. Sure he cared for me as no other did all this time, but he knew from the beginning that my heart belonged to someone else or at least I thought he would know.

I looked to the door worried, hoping that Fujigaya wouldn’t ran around the hotel trying to look for me, it would make everything even worse.

“Oh don’t worry, you will see your boyfriend soon enough. We are just taking care of him.”

“What? Keiji, what did you do?” His lopsided sneer made me freak. I pushed him away looking at him as hateful as I would never have imagined I could. “Where is Fujigaya?”

“Come with me and I will show you!” He said still smiling and as he opened the door and two of the other workers were standing in front of it I knew that it didn’t matter if I wanted to go with him or not.

“If you hurt him, I will make you pay for it!” I growled at him before following him to the 3rd floor where we ‘boys’ were normally not allowed to enter.

As he opened the door to an office like room I saw him right away, he was sitting on a chair two workers standing next to him and his hands were tight up on his back.

“SENPAI!” I wanted to run over to him, but the others grabbed me by the shoulders holding me back.

“TAIGA!” Fujigaya jumped up, but of course they wouldn’t let him come near me and tried to force him to sit down again. “Let go, you assholes!” Fujigaya shook them off kicking one of them into the stomach, but the other one reacted immediately, kicking Fujigaya into the back of his knee so that he went on his knees.

“No, stop it! Keiji please make them stop!” I begged him and lucky he gave them a signal to leave him alone. They lifted Fujigaya up and put him back on the chair. As our eyes met I could see his worries, but I was happy that he didn’t try to fight back again, because I knew it would just make everything worse.

“Sit down!” Keiji demanded as he walked into the room and the other workers remained at the closed door. He walked around a huge desk at the end of the room and sat down on the chair behind it pointing to a chair opposite him. That was the moment when I realized that he had played me over the whole time.

“You own the hotel!” I said in realization not wanting to believe my own words, but Keiji’s satisfied smile showed me that he had lied to me all this time.

“Oh come on don’t be so shocked, in the word of the yakuza this is nothing special at my age!”

I shook my head refusing to even take a single step towards him and even though I was about to explode and my hatred couldn’t be bigger, tears were filling my eyes.

“I trusted you! Without you my world would have probably fallen apart back then. You can’t be serious!” For a moment my look fell on Fujigaya, I knew he would feel guilty, knowing that he was part of this story as well, but I couldn’t consider his feelings right now. I had to find a way to make Keiji let us go and it was too early to give up hope, because even though Keiji had lied to me I couldn’t believe that he was the cold hearted person he showed to me at the moment.

“Oh don’t get this wrong, I really treasured you. That I am really found of you isn’t a lie at all!” He stood up again walking over to me knowing that I wouldn’t get near him on my own. I didn’t even try to back off, because it wouldn’t make sense anyways with all the others around. But as he tried to put his hand on my cheek I slashed it away and the first tear rolled down my cheek.

“Don’t you dare to touch me ever again!” I hissed at him not allowing my voice to shake.

“Oh boy, are we getting cocky now?” He asked chuckling, but I just kept staring at him. Without any kind of warning he slapped me so hard that I saw stars in front of my eyes.

“Stop it!” It was Fujigaya of course who wanted to interfere, but they held him back as he tried to get up again.

“Would you excuse us for a moment I think we will discuss this in private.”

Fujigaya and I looked at each other at the same moment and with the same panicked look.

“No, let go! As if I would leave you alone with him!” They tried to drag Fujigaya out and I wanted to block their way, but Keiji took a hold of me before I could interfere.

“Senpai!” I stretched my arm out trying to reach him, but I couldn’t. I looked into his terrified eyes trying to push Keiji away, but he grasped my hair and twisted one of my arms to my back as I didn’t stop struggling. “FUJIGAYA!” I screamed after him as the door fell into the lock and he was out of my sight. Another tear escaped my eye before Keiji let go of me.

“Keiji, what’s wrong with you?” I shouted at him as I could finally turn around to him.

“With me?” He asked in a sarcastic voice, pointing at himself before pointing at me. “The question is what is wrong with you? I was the one to catch you back then, I helped you back into life, I showed you a way to forget about him and now you are showing up in front of me with this guy, telling me that you are thankful, but that you want to leave to go back to a life from which you had been running away all this time? You really thought I would just say yes and wave goodbye? You owe me boy, you owe me more than you can ever pay.”

“Taiga!” I interrupted him.

“What?”

“My name is Taiga not boy. You don’t tell me that I am so precious to you and I owe you, when you address me like you would be a customer.”

“Yes you are right I am not a customer.” He said stepping closer again and grasping me by the hair forcing my head up. “But I am the one owning you, you are not one of the boys, you are MY boy, that’s why I won’t hand you over to him.”

“I’m not a pet or a slave or whatever! You can’t own people!” I said angry trying not to shout at him.

“Oh as you see it works pretty well! You came here all by yourself all the time. You let people fuck you, because I told you to. When I wanted to spend a nice time with you, you let it happen as well. But you were in love with someone else the whole time. Isn’t it a tragic story?” He chuckled before leaning forward a little bit more, his lips right in front of mine. “If you don’t want to make it any more tragic you should forget about him and just continue to be my boy, it will be easier for all of us!”

As he kissed me again I was too shocked by what he had said to even think about resisting. I wouldn’t put Fujigaya in danger, but I couldn’t continue like this either. My thoughts were racing, I couldn’t move and he wouldn’t back off. He pushed me against the wall, slipping one hand under my shirt, licking with his tongue over my lip. As I didn’t allow him to enter he tightened his grip on my hair signaling me that if I would start struggling he would get violent, but that was also the moment as I realized that I couldn’t continue like this. I wouldn’t continue this path even though I knew I couldn’t just walk out here and turn back to my old life. But at least I could find a way to get Fujigaya out of this without any harm, because I was the only reason why they attacked him in the first place. Without me he wouldn’t be in danger either.

I had decided and so I finally pushed Keiji away. I didn’t even wait for his reaction as I rushed over to his desk grapping the paperknife from it turning around to Keiji again.

“Oh you really think you can attack me with that? You are not a killer and you know exactly that even if you hurt me you can’t get out of here. You won’t stand a chance against all the others, not even with the help of your friend.”

“Don’t worry, that is not what I’m planning!” I said shaking my head. “I wouldn’t hurt you.”

He didn’t answer to that. He even seemed kind of surprised by my statement, but I just smiled at him. “You helped me up again, when life got me on my knees. You showed me a way to keep living, a really uncommon way and even though you tell me that it was not just out of kindness I am still thankful and you will always be special to me!” My words were honest and I was happy that I could tell him how I felt in the end, because my words seemed to get to him. He looked irritated and kind of guilty, but he was still not reacting.

“Thank you Keiji for being there for me, but if there is no way for me to continue living with Fujigaya, now that we finally found to each other, there is no reason for me to continue!”

I had turned the paperknife around so that it pointed at me grapping it with shaking hands.

“DON’T!” As Keiji realized what I was about to do he jumped forward and even though I was more than determined to end my life here and now to get at least Fujigaya out of this mess without problems, some small part of me was relieved as Keiji got a grip on my hands just before the knife had reached my body. He ripped it out my hands forcefully, throwing it into the next corner before he hugged me.

I was more than surprised by his actions even though I had hoped that I wasn’t wrong after all, that he wasn’t as heartless as he pretended. That he had stopped me could have been intuitive, but that he was now hugging me, with his hands clenched in my shirt, shaking against my body was how the Keiji I had get to known would react and I was so relieved that this part of him was his true self after all.

“That’s not the way I wanted this to go!” He said in a calm voice crossing his arms around my back. “Yes I want you for myself, I don’t want to give you to him, but when you are willing to go that far for him I can’t keep you by my side.”

He put his hands on my shoulders pushing me backwards a little bit until he faced me, I could see that his eyes were glittering and his smile was forced, but I knew that his words were honest.

“I won’t ever let you do something like this to yourself! You are way too important to me! When I lose you to him it will be hard, but if I lose you for good my world would collapse.”

“So you will let me go?” I asked carefully.

He nodded and I knew that I could trust him. He wouldn’t play me again, I was sure of that. He knew exactly that I would serious kill myself if he would try to make me stay.

“Thank you Keiji!”

For one last time I put my hand to his cheek and leant in for a kiss, because he had deserved at least this much gratitude from me for what he had done for me. He closed his eyes for a moment knowing that this would be our farewell kiss. When I backed off and he opened his eyes again he didn’t say anything, instead he went over to the door signaling me to follow him. He cleared his throat before he opened the door tying to not show his emotions anymore, obviously not wanting the other workers to know that he had given in.

We went over to another room and I could hear Fujigaya cursing from the outside already. As Keiji opened the door a bucket crashed into the wall next to him, which Fujigaya had just kicked in his direction. The two men which were in the room with him seemed a little bit over challenged with his aggressive behavior, but to be honest I was happy seeing that he had tried all the time to get out of here. Even with tight up hands he had turned the room into a mess.

“You! I’m going to kill you!” He screamed at Keiji as he saw him entering, but as he approached him with fast steps it was me who blocked his way to his obvious surprise.

I could see the confusion in his eyes as he realized that everything was fine, but I pulled him into a hug instead of explaining what had happened.

“Let’s go home, okay?” I asked in a low voice and felt how he nodded against my shoulder. Keiji ordered the others to finally take of the ropes around Fujigaya’s wrists and if he wouldn’t want to leave as much as me he might have gone for a huge fight now, but he grabbed my hand instead looking first at me and then at Keiji. As he pulled me after him and passed Keiji he stopped right next to him looking at him angry. Keiji met his eyes and for a moment I wasn’t sure, if Fujigaya would pick a fight after all.

“Take care of him.” Keiji said still looking at him.

“I will,” was all Fujigaya replied before he looked back at me. “Let’s go!”

I nodded at him following him willingly meeting Keiji’s eyes once more before we left. I gave him a brief smile hoping that he would stand to his word and I would be able to move on without getting into touch with this place ever again and Keiji’s look gave me hope that it would really work, that I could really go back to a normal life.

***

We were sitting in Fujigaya’s apartment for almost an hour, either of us unsure what to say. Fujigaya had turned on the TV and had made some coffee trying to act as normal as possible. He was standing up all the time running around obviously not sure what to do or what to say and as he got up again I tried to make him calm down finally.

“Senpai?”

“Yes?”

He made me chuckle as he swirled around almost panicked.

“What are you laughing at?” He asked with a raised eyebrow standing in front of the couch.

“Nothing.” I giggled still amused by his reaction.

“Ah so you laugh at me out of no reason now? Maybe I should give you a reason to laugh then!”

Now I was the one who raised an eyebrow as he walked over to me. His look had suddenly changed into a teasing smile and even though I was happy that he finally stopped being so worried I automatically backed off as he put one knee on the couch in front of me.

“Senpai, what are you doing?” I asked still smiling as he gave me a low chuckle.

“Told you, I will give you a reason to laugh!”

“What? No senpai, please don’t!” As he made some weird movements in the air with his hands I knew exactly what he was planning so I tried to get away from him, but he was faster jumping on top of me starting to tickle me. He knew exactly that this one was my weakest point. I squealed trying to get a grip on his hands, but I was way too distracted to be able to make him stop.

“No, please stop!” I said half laughing, half whispering almost out of air through my chuckles. “Senpai, please!”

To my surprise he stopped abrupt looking intense into my eyes with a kind of serious glance.

“Senpai?” I asked careful as if I said something wrong, but then he shook his head.

“We were at least down to Fujigaya earlier!”

“Eh?”

“At the hotel you called me Fujigaya, not senpai!”

He was right, when I was screaming out for him I did, but it was intuitive. I was used to calling him senpai or at least Fujigaya-senpai.

“How about we get one step closer and start calling me Taisuke, I call you Taiga as well, right?”

“But senpai-“

“Taisuke!” He said chuckling as I addressed him ‘wrong’ again. “At work you can continue calling me senpai of course, but I fell weird when you call me this in private you know?”

“Okay.” I said nodding, getting a hit on the forehead from him.

“Okay-?” He started and I rolled my eyes at him.

“Okay, Taisuke!” I answered in a weird voice to my own surprise so that he chuckled at me. “Thank you, now I’m the one feeling weird calling you like this!”

“You will get used to it!” He said convinced.

I looked at him for a moment realizing how close we were. He was sitting on top and I stretched my hand out to touch his cheek. He put his hand on mine smiling at me in return.

“I’m so happy that you are by my side now!” I said honest.

“Trust me I feel exactly the same!”

I put my other hand a little bit around his neck to pull him down and he moved willingly until his face was right in front of mine.

“Taisuke?”

“Yes?”

“I love you!” I felt like a school boy confessing for the first time, but I didn’t care. I was waiting for this so long, I wanted to tell him for so long and had given up on the possibility that I would ever be able to, so it was like a miracle to me that I was really able to tell him.

Fujigaya chuckled lightly before he put his own hand on my cheek giving me an intense look.

“I love you too, but I told you already long ago! Sorry for making you wait so long to hear your answer!”

I pulled him down for a kiss and he moved soft, but longing against my lips. It felt so good to be allowed to listen to my own feelings again. I could touch him and kiss him without any doubts.

He broke our kiss to pull his shirt over his head and when he leant down again he pretended to kiss me, but moved his head to the side as he brushed over my lips moving down to my neck kissing over it while undoing my shirt button by button.

I let him do as he pleased, but I was happy that he gave me a look here and there to see if I was okay with what he was doing. We hadn’t to talk about it, but we both knew that this was difficult even though I didn’t want to show it.

All this time I had more or less unemotional sex with the goal to pleasure the customer not myself. I was aware of the fact that Fujigaya wasn’t a customer, but it was kind of new to be allowed to do as I pleased as well.

As I sat up to slip out of my open shirt I took Fujigaya by surprise as I pushed him down on the couch lying on top of him.

“Mhh so now we’re having a fight about the lead here or what?” He asked chuckling making me smile as I rose up sitting down on his hips.

“You really think you could win against me?” I asked ironic.

“Depends on your style of fighting!” He replied getting up on his elbows so that I could feel his breathe on my face as I leant forward putting my hands around his neck.

“If you play fair, I will do so as well!” I kissed him short backing off to smile at him again. He smiled back before he put one hand to my cheek pulling me down for another kiss, but the moment our lips met he pulled me against his chest putting his other arm around my waist turning us around.

“Hey that wasn’t fair!” I complained against his lips as they formed into a smile.

“Who said that I wanted to play fair?”

“Oh okay, you wanted it that way!” I took him by full surprise as I tried to turn us around again already knowing that he wouldn’t let me. So the moment he tried to put his weight on me I moved us to the other direction so fast that we fell off the couch and of course as planned I landed on top of him.

“Ow, that was really mean!” Fujigaya complained rubbing his head!

“Oh come on, your carpet is really fluffy, this can’t have hurt!” Now he made me feel guilty so as an apology I gave him a short, but intense kiss. He used my distraction to turn us around again and I left out a sigh as he looked down on me with a satisfied look.

“We won’t get anywhere tonight, if we continue like this!”

“So just admit your defeat! Then we can move on!”

I sighed again on his triumphing smile finally giving up, not that I didn’t know from the start that I wouldn’t lead this night, to be honest I couldn’t remember leading before, except for customers which asked me to.

Fujigaya stood up helping me up before he took my hand making me follow him to the bedroom. Automatically I waited for him to do the first step, because I was used to getting orders from the other party. But Fujigaya said nothing, instead he walked behind me moving his fingers gentle over my neck stroking my long hair out of the way. He stroke carefully down my back, moving lower over my hips, making me shiver. Then he finally reached my pants and just for the tenth of a second I froze. I wasn’t sure if he had noticed, but I was happy that he just continued. He opened my pants moving his hand slowly inside.

As he touched me a shiver went over my back and I put my head lightly back against his shoulder. Finally taking action as I moved my hands behind my back while searching for Fujigaya’s pants, trying to open them.

After we had stripped each other out of our clothes I sat down on the bed, again waiting for Fujigaya to take action. He pushed me down into the sheets and crawled on top of me. As he put his hands next to my head he kept looking at me for a moment.

“If you are not ready for this, tell me! I can wait.”

“Don’t worry, it is alright!”

“I just don’t want you to see me as a customer. I want you to enjoy it as well.”

I was really happy about his worries. I put my hand on his cheek signaling him that he was allowed to continue.

He gave me a brief smile before he leant down to kiss me long and passionate. His soft lips, his hands over my body and his bare skin on mine made it hard to concentrate, but luckily there was not so much to concentrate on anyways as Fujigaya took the lead.

For a moment he backed off moving over to the side of his bed and I followed his movements with my eyes.

“Wow that is some kind of VIP service for me.” I said chuckling as I saw the lube in his hand.

“As I told you I’m not a customer.”

“With this kind of service it’s more like I’m the customer here.”

We both started laughing on our weird conversation before Fujigaya crawled back to me. He gave me a short glance as he moved his fingers down, but didn’t say anything as he pushed the first one inside.

For a customer I would have already moaned and showed him how awesome everything he did was, but for Fujigaya I didn’t have to do that. So all he got was a lopsided smile as he pushed a second finger inside looking at me with a raised eyebrow as I didn’t react at all.

“I know you are used to this, but would you show me at least some kind of emotion? I feel bad when you don’t react at all.”

“Oh sorry. What do you prefer, painful groaning or lustful moaning?”

“Ha, ha.” Fujigaya rolled his eyes before he pulled his fingers out again. “Then I will hopefully find another way to get something out of you or this will be a really boring night for you!”

“You think you can pleasure me?”

“Is there an award if I can?”

“Maybe!”

“Challenge accepted.”

Now he was the one giving me a lopsided smile and before I could even prepare myself he had lifted my hips up and rushed inside way too fast and too deep. I bit my lip trying not to let out any kind of sound, wanting to make him believe that he couldn’t win this bet, but after he had leant forward to kiss over my neck while taking deep long thrusts I couldn’t bear it anymore.

When the first deep moan escaped me I heard a low chuckle from him next to my ear on which I automatically burried my fingernails a little bit too deep into his back.

“Ow, that’s not fair.” He complained and took my cock into one hand stroking over its tip with a firm grip as a payback making me moan again.

“Oh and this is or what?” I responded as he lifted his face right in front of me.

But instead of an answer I got a deep and lustful kiss. As he stroke over me he picked up pace with his thrust at the same time and while we had to take small breaks for air in between our messy wet kisses, it took just a few more moans from me and finally from him as well to get us to our climax.

As he collapsed next to me on the bed he pulled my back against his chest immediately, resting his chin on my shoulder.

“I hope I won the bet?”

“Do you think so?”

“I would say I was pretty good.”

“You were indeed. You would have been my favorite customer I guess.”

“But good that I’m not, because like this you are all mine! And the award?”

“What?”

“I won the bet, right? I want my award! What is it?”

I turned around in his arms, putting my hand to his cheek giving him a bright and honest smile.

“I am your award! I am yours and yours alone as long as you want me!”

“Sounds like the best award which someone could wish for!”

 

  



End file.
